A couple years ago, we switched TV providers in part because we weren’t able to watch the Rangers on a regular basis with our previous provider. Before we went with that option, my wife looked into MLB.TV to see if we would be able to get the Rangers games that way. I’m pretty sure she looked online for information about the service, but I envision her experience as a conversation that might have gone something like this:

Wife: I’m interested in an MLB.TV package, but I have a question.
MLB: Certainly! How can I help you?
Wife: I’d like to know if we can watch the Rangers.
MLB: Of course! You can watch all the—wait, hang on a second. It looks like you live too close to the DFW area. I’m sorry, you won’t be able to see the Rangers.
Wife: What? Why not?
MLB: Well, we have these antiquated things called blackouts.
Wife: Why would you have those?
MLB: The reasoning behind them is so ridiculous and convoluted that nobody understands all of it, and they’re a relic of a different era, but the short explanation behind their creation is that if you live in the area where the game is played, you should go see it live.
Wife: I live 200 miles away!
MLB: Well, that’s unfortunate. It’s still too close. Don’t feel bad, El Paso is a lot further and they’re in the same boat.
Wife: Wait a minute! If I subscribe to a TV package that includes Fox Sports Southwest, I can watch them even if I live in the Dallas area!
MLB: Yeah, but it’s not free. You’d pay for it through your TV provider.
Wife: I’m not asking to watch the games for free. I’m offering to pay.
MLB: You can’t.
Wife: But I could if I lived in California?
MLB: Of course.
Wife: That doesn’t make any sense!
MLB: We know, but that’s the way it is.
Wife: You don’t want my money?
MLB: Nope. Sorry.

This is why we can’t have nice things.